I’m going to start this by saying a few things.

I’m not an expert in anything. I’m just someone who became a lot fitter and worked some stuff out. I think everyone has their own journey and I don’t care what size you are, I think you’re the shit anyway. This is just my stuff so drive your own bus ๐Ÿ˜œ

So I used to be a lot bigger. Weight is something that has been a struggle for me most of my life. I like to eat a lot. When I was younger if I had spending money I would often spend it on food. I like cooking and nice food and wine and martinis. I tend to be one of those people who is generous and lavish with stuff. It’s like face cream, I don’t care if it costs $200 I am slapping it on my face with reckless abandon. I’m the same with food. If I’m anxious I eat, if I’m happy I eat, if I’m unhappy I eat. Get the idea! It’s been a struggle.

I have had some slimmer periods in my life. I had a super slim stage after having children. I had a super slim stage as an early adolescent where I probably began a good relationship with periodic eating disorders. But most of the time I probably ran at about 10 kilos heavier than I wanted to be interspersed with really quite overweight stages.

I suppose the times when I was just the 10 kilos or so over I was exercising a fair bit. As a kid I was like a Russian athlete! My Mum obviously believed kids should be kept occupied and active. So we were. Swim squad, lifeguards,dancing,horse riding, active windsurfing type boot camps. Hours of this, week in, week out. I mean thank god because I think I spent my whole childhood starving hungry. I was brought up in England and ate for England! Mum was a great cook and we were filled with massive roasts, apple pies, fresh orange juice and milk straight out of the cow. My childhood was Russian athlete cross Enid Blyton. I wouldn’t change it. Being thrown into the English Channel to swim from the pier to the marina on a bloody freezing English day was majorly character building. Our swim squad and lifeguards was tough stuff. If you WERNT tough you left. There was no room for wailing or tears. And no sympathy.

So it set me up well in the tough stakes. I wanted to be either a swimmer or a dancer when I was younger. I thought I might have a chance with swimming because I was pretty hardcore. I came to realise I was an endurance kind of girl. It’s the same with me now. I distance run because I don’t have the fast twitch muscle fibres or something. I eventually gave up dancing because I didn’t look like a ballerina. I never got to wear a tutu because I remember my dance teacher saying ‘We can’t put her in a tutu’. She thought I didn’t hear. But I did. We hear everything. That sparked off a good eating disorder.So I gave up dance, whilst sticking my fingers down my throat with rage.

And then eventually I stopped exercising and started making cakes. I’d have these sporadic moments where I would do something for a while and then life would get in the way.

Now I think I’ve cracked it. I’ve been thinking about that this week and why it is and this is what I’ve come up with.

I’ve now been running and doing weights/crossfit for nearly 2 years. That’s a long time in my book and I can’t see me ever stopping. It’s been in stages and I’ve worked my way up from couch, 5 k, 10k, 21k and general weights in a gym to more of a crossfit model. But I think the one thing that supports me in this is my decision to make the time to do it. I don’t let anything else get in the way. I plan my week and I do it. Nobody in my family questions this. Like ever. If I say I’m going for a run and there are a million other things to be done they say ‘OK see you later’, or they come with me.

The Doc is amazing in this regard. She’s like ‘Go babes’. She gets it. We’ve never spoken about that. She just gets it at a deeper level. So I have this support to achieve what I want to achieve. We have the same kind of dietary ideas, you’d never find the Doc near a burger! She thinks I am the shit as she waves me off whilst shovelling down some kale.

We also don’t run together much. Sometimes if I need a pacer or moral support I call on the Doc. She’s handy like that. But generally we just do our own thing. I’m  a solitary kind of runner.

So recently we have got into a food prep thang. We were getting a bit shitted at having to make dinner every night. So we dug out some containers that fit nicely in the fridge and created a plan. It’s working so well.

So what we do is this, depending on who is off work. We make a batch of salad, brown rice, quinoa, curry, lentil dish, aubergines dish, prep a heap of veg then come home from work, shove it on a plate then Shazam! Dinner!

It changes week to week, like at the moment I’m just strictly veg and protein. She’s more fancy. She also has this ability to eat the same thing for several meals in a row whilst saying ‘It’s just nutrition’. But she mixes it up.

My diet is currently boring. It’s like eggs,fish,nuts,veg,fats. And it’s cool. I’m happy with this and will happily occasionally in the future eat the odd meal that is more interesting. In my experience, and experiences are always personal, I can’t just eat whatever I want. I mean that in the way I was maybe eating a couple of months ago. All great food, really healthy but the effect was just to keep my weight perfectly stable. That was great as I found out that I can eat a fair bit and keep stable ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

But I’m wanting to lose a few kgs for a few different reasons. First one is that I just want to. I think I will look cuter. Yes I know I’m cute now but I want to look cuter! Second one is that I think it will improve my running. 8 to 10 extra kilos can be felt when pounding through a half marathon.

I think there has been a very positive movement towards women who are larger getting out and doing some hardcore exercise. I am SO happy about this. I am. And I think they should bloody shine. But I’ve also noticed this negativity towards women who are saying they want to lose a few more kgs.

But you look fine.

It’s not about your weight.

You’re cute enough.

You do heaps.

On that subject I would like to say ‘Don’t you worry about me!’

I think it is totally fine also to chase some harder goals. Go that bit further. Look like an action figure! Whatever your jam is. There’s a feeling like you might have sold out. You were one of the big girls leading the way.

Nah. You just wanted something more. That is so okay. If you didn’t come this far only to come this far then carry on.

And if you’re happy where you’re at then stay there. You are driving the busโค๏ธ


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