So recently I’ve been thinking about magpies. It’s the season for it. They hate us.
I wasn’t thinking about it too much before the Doc started telling me about all kinds of nasty injuries from magpies, like gouging out eyes and suchlike. I was like NO!!!! Really? Omg! Those little fuckers can do some damage.
I’ve only been swooped once, when I was going to renew my driving licence. I was with the spunky girl and there was much wailing and freaking out. Also a hospital I used to work at once used to keep umberellas by a door to use when skipping from one building to the next. There was some kind of magpie mafia in that particular area and one of them had caused an abrasion on the cheek of a certain ENT specialist. There was a drama and umberellas stat!
I didn’t have to worry about this because the only reason to skip to the next building was to go to blood bank and the morgue. I don’t go to the morgue a lot fortunately. But totally skipping off subject, there are some interesting people work in morgues. There used to be a guy who worked there who drenched himself in Jean Paul Gautier. I totally connect that smell now. He was a good bloke and a justice of the peace. Let me tell you that was very fucking handy at that particular time in my life. Fortunately he took it so seriously. I would call from birth suite going ‘ Mate, you couldn’t sign some stuff for me could you?’ It was like I’d put out a resus call… 1 min later he would leg it through the door, all Jean Paul Gautier and stamps and pens and shit. There would be frantic yells of ‘What have you got?’ And laying out of papers all over the desk and much checking and signing and total hysteria! I mean I am SO grateful. He is probably the only reason I’m legal in Australia now. CRASH, CRASH ,CRASH Edie needs shit signed. I totally LOVE people who get the job done with such pizaz!
But anyway, going back to the magpies. I’ve become a bit obsessed. Running the other week I saw one totally terrorising a cyclist in front of me. It was pretty bad. But I was like egging the Maggie on… I’m like pow.. keep going… because you know he was going faster than me and leading the magpie away. I was vulnerable right? There was no meanness involved, a few lols, I mean there were some good hits. But he had a helmet. I need my eyes and shit!
So now everytime I’m running if I feel something swoopy I am waving my arms over my head like a idiot. I think most of the time there is nothing there. I did some spectacular waving last night!
Today I came across this. There are stats on this shit! Who knew! Apparently it’s on the wane. Phew!
I am feeling calmer already 😃