I flew under the radar for the last few months. I withdrew, I was anxious, often angry and at a loss at what to do. So I deleted everybody from my personal facebook page and stopped reading the news. I found that I just wasn’t coping with the stuff I was reading, and the massive free for all for hate speech.
I spent the evenings hearing about how many people were visiting the doc distressed. I watched her calling people at 7pm at night to check that they hadn’t killed themselves yet. She’s that kind of doctor.
I did a whole communications assessment on marriage equality. I got a high distinction but I think I did it in a state of angry anxiety. It was a group project. I was obsessive. They probably think I’m a shit person to work with.
But withdrawing was the best thing I ever did. it was self-love. It was protection. Whatever the result tomorrow we still have so much work to do. It’s not over. There will still be gay people discriminated against. There will still be gay youth on the streets because they’ve been thrown out by parents who were meant to love them. There will still be teen suicides. There will still be trans kids and trans adults taking their own lives. There will still be some of the vilest people in the world spewing their hate speech, cloaked in the disguise of free speech.
But there will still be me. There will still be the doc. There will still be the big spunky boy. There will still be my family. The sort of people who take something on and y’know sometimes end up standing on their own, looking behind them thinking ‘where did everyone go?’ We will still be there. We will still be calling people at 7pm in the evening. We will still be doing the 11pm at night rescue calls. We will still have that sixth sense that some shit is going down. And we will never be silenced.
To all the people who sent me messages or called me up over the last few months. You are my people. You have no idea how much that meant to me.