The Vaginal Jelly Story…
Yesterday somebody lovely was saying that they had been yelled at in a shop by a horrible woman. They thought she had pushed in and she hadn’t, so they yelled […]
Drive your own bus
Yesterday somebody lovely was saying that they had been yelled at in a shop by a horrible woman. They thought she had pushed in and she hadn’t, so they yelled […]
Yesterday somebody lovely was saying that they had been yelled at in a shop by a horrible woman. They thought she had pushed in and she hadn’t, so they yelled at her and made her cry. Horrible right?! Ugh.
So anyway I was thinking about this and suddenly remembered my vaginal jelly story. I haven’t blogged about this and I really should because it was great, and also included vaginal jelly.
So when I was a young midwife I popped out one lunchtime for a packet of fags from the gas station. It was the NHS in England so your diet was fags and black coffee. As I was waiting to come out and get back on the road a guy pulled up beside me. It was a tricky road to get back onto as it was busy ++. The car windows were open as it was summer and suddenly this guy started yelling at me. It went something like this….
Go on go, you silly cow. Hey you stupid tart just go. Fuckinghell you blonde bitch just go.
And on it continued, with him making fist like gestures. I ignored it for a minute or so and then this rage suddenly consumed me. I mean, I really do have a problem with violent men yelling at women like this. So I plunged my hand deep into my scrubs pocket and pulled out my nice new tube of vaginal jelly, KY jelly back in the day (remember I was a midwife, we often have stuff like this on hand), and I leaned across the seat, squeezed the tube hard and covered this hideous person in vaginal jelly. I yelled ‘You are a fucking danger to women! I hate you and so should whoever you are fucking’.
Now I probably wouldn’t advise anyone to go around covering violent hideous men in vaginal jelly but it worked well. Kinda like vaginal pepper spray.
The other occasion when I retaliated to violent men was in the UK too. There was a car body shop across the road from me and I had parked my car slightly over their entrance after a night on call. Like 10cm, slightly over. I found a note on my car that I couldn’t even repeat in this blog, it was so horrible and extreme. I was completely stunned and upset by it. Anyway later that night at around 2 am I got called out for a home birth. I hadn’t slept very well as I was so upset with the contents of that note. So I went out to my car and reversed it into their floor to ceiling glass storefront.
I never heard a thing about it, clearly they didn’t have CCTV.
Dont fuck with a midwife. Especially one who has been on call and has had about 5 hours sleep in 3 days.
And don’t yell at people in shops because it’s horrible.
Generally I’m really nice.
Lovage
Edie xoxoxo
visit templeOMyoga.com
August 30,2017
Putting the health agenda of women and girls in Zimbabwe and Africa as a whole first through health care, education ,experience,dialogue, research and community outreach.
Just another WordPress.com site
"It is hard to be brave," said Piglet, sniffing slightly, "when you're only a Very Small Animal."
'It is hard to be brave,' said Piglet, sniffing slightly, 'when you're only a Very Small Animal.'
Images of People Photoblog
HIV Doctor,Trans Health Advocate, LGBTI Health Provider, Writer for QNews as "Doc Q"
This Too Shall Pass
Food. Life. Travel. Sri Lanka
Love on a Stick, and the kids who put it there
SIMPLE - CHEAP - EASY
Fabulous. Friendly. Homemade.
being making reading
Art, Words, and Creative Living
Writer & Editor
Funniest. Story. Ever. Really, the best! xxx
LikeLike
Loooolllll 🙂
LikeLike
i have had a wonderful naff and giggle reading this. remind me to never fuck around with you. Fab!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahaha but I am SO NICE usually! Plus you would never be horrible 😁
LikeLike
😂SO good! I am laughing my arse off! 😂
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOLLLLL 🙂
LikeLike
You are my hero. Such a fucking KWEEN!
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOLZ. I was super shitted! 😃
LikeLiked by 1 person
Rightly so! Fucker.
LikeLiked by 1 person